Brit bashes Brussels shocker

Brussels is hardly at the top of any self-respecting Brit's holiday wish list, for work or pleasure. And even for me, convinced Europhile and fluent French and Flemish speaker that I am, to hear its name whispered on the wind hardly gets me excited to the point of consciousness. And, as I think my incessant perusal of the Daily Mail online and my ownership of a Maggie Thatcher nutcracker prove, I am pretty much as representative of an ordinary Brit as you are going to find. Deal with it.

So the question, what do you miss most about the UK, is perhaps a bit of a no-brainer (dirty Americanism). The answer is, of course, the UK itself – Edenic paradise and centre of the world (literally – it's roughly halfway between America and China) that it is.

But that answer wouldn't fill a journalistic column, even an online one (which, I think we all know, generally ought to be short, to the point and funny, LOL). So here's the long-winded answer. Enjoy.

One thing I miss about the UK is its lack of homeless people. Not because I hate homeless people, but because I love being in a country that actually looks after its poor.

I also miss being in a country that actually gets capitalism. You know, it's that system where a service is provided for money. Take McDonald's, for example. It's renowned for being a fast food restaurant; the implication of this name being that food is served fast in exchange for money. This is what happens in the UK. Here, not so much. McDonald's in Brussels is just a food restaurant; and, let's be honest, that description is misleading at best.

Finally, I miss the ever-present opportunity in the UK to speak multiple languages and engage with people who revel in getting to know other cultures, constantly searching for a deeper knowledge of themselves and others… LOL just kidding, Brussels is better for that. As is anywhere else in the world.

But seeing as you're all so content speaking my mother tongue, I don't suppose that really matters.